NOTHING EVER HAPPENED HERE

08:31 am - Well...

I'm thinking about starting a new blog. Or not. I don't know.

05:23 am - save the bees

It's May now, almost June, and I haven't done much that matters. I can't sleep because I have the creeping guilts, the twitching failures, the skin-prickling-fear-of-living-up-to-prognostications-of-disaster -- you know, the usual, whatever you want to call it.

The world will, gawdfuckingdammit, look beautiful again by tomorrow. And I will make 'it' all work. Not so much because I want to - all I WANT to do is get good and fucked up and for once look good doing it - but because I have to in order to prove to myself that I'm not a complete waste of space.

What I really have to remember is this: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, AND FUCKIN' A people like me." They do. I do. I just gots to get it together, make it work, get shit hummin', etcetera...

With that in mind, maybe I'll get some sleep instead of heaving my insides onto the interwebz. Nobody needs to see that.

p.s. I watched Bringing Up Baby the other day and I like it, even though it makes basically no sense.

03:45 pm - ha, ha, ha, happy new (year) march

Dear ElGay,

It's been about a million years since I've utilized this portion of my interwebz life. Shit's just been too stupid, too complicated. Whatever.

MY POINT IS that on Thursday I'm goin to NYC to audition for Tisch's International Theatre Workshop in Amsterdam. I'm doing Gret's monologue from Churchill's "Top Girls" when she talks about leading the women of her town into hell to battle demons. Still don't know what I'm singing. And....I'd really like that to go well. Really really REALLY really. Send good vibrations, please, or something.



Teaching at the women's detention center might be the highlight of my non-theatrical life. I drink too much, but it's okay because I enjoy it. I smoke a lot less pot and still smoke too many cigarettes. However, I spend most of my time watching movie musicals and looking at pictures of cats.



luv,

liz

02:45 am - we'll never sleep

August Wilson interview in a '99 Paris Review.

Man, how do they do it?

04:21 am - ....

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/

Episode 277 is very good.

08:53 pm

Stuff That Cheers Me Up:

#1 - The fact that Rebecca, Buudhaluv, and Devon watche a slideshow of pictures of me on Buudha's computer as the song "Duel of the Fates" from Star Wars played in the background.

#2 - allie softsoap --- Liz, there is a possibility I may have mailed my drivers license to you.
allie softsoap --- Can you be on the lookout for me, just in case?
me --- really?
me --- yeah, i'll be on the lookout

#3 - Man Man @ G-Spot

02:20 am - the slow fade of love...its soft edge might cut you...

My brother Lincoln gave me this book a long ago and far away birthday. I guess he knew I would need it. I don't have much left of him, but as for the things you might leave somebody, this is up there with the very best, I think.

"You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or...

Another Chance.


Everyone is just waiting."

01:50 pm - The School By Donald Barthelme from Sixty Stories

Well, we had all these children out planting trees, see, because we figured that ... that was part of their education, to see how, you know, the root systems ... and also the sense of responsibility, taking care of things, being individually responsible. You know what I mean. And the trees all died. They were orange trees. I don’t know why they died, they just died. Something wrong with the soil possibly or maybe the stuff we got from the nursery wasn’t the best. We complained about it. So we’ve got thirty kids there, each kid had his or her own little tree to plant and we’ve got these thirty dead trees. All these kids looking at these little brown sticks, it was depressing.
It wouldn’t have been so bad except that just a couple of weeks before the thing with the trees, the snakes all died. But I think that the snakes – well, the reason that the snakes kicked off was that ... you remember, the boiler was shut off for four days because of the strike, and that was explicable. It was something you could explain to the kids because of the strike. I mean, none of their parents would let them cross the picket line and they knew there was a strike going on and what it meant. So when things got started up again and we found the snakes they weren’t too disturbed.
With the herb gardens it was probably a case of overwatering, and at least now they know not to overwater. The children were very conscientious with the herb gardens and some of them probably ... you know, slipped them a little extra water when we weren’t looking. Or maybe ... well, I don’t like to think about sabotage, although it did occur to us. I mean, it was something that crossed our minds. We were thinking that way probably because before that the gerbils had died, and the white mice had died, and the salamander ... well, now they know not to carry them around in plastic bags.
Of course we expected the tropical fish to die, that was no surprise. Those numbers, you look at them crooked and they’re belly-up on the surface. But the lesson plan called for a tropical fish input at that point, there was nothing we could do, it happens every year, you just have to hurry past it.
We weren’t even supposed to have a puppy.
We weren’t even supposed to have one, it was just a puppy the Murdoch girl found under a Gristede’s truck one day and she was afraid the truck would run over it when the driver had finished making his delivery, so she stuck it in her knapsack and brought it to the school with her. So we had this puppy. As soon as I saw the puppy I thought, Oh Christ, I bet it will live for about two weeks and then... And that’s what it did. It wasn’t supposed to be in the classroom at all, there’s some kind of regulation about it, but you can’t tell them they can’t have a puppy when the puppy is already there, right in front of them, running around on the floor and yap yap yapping. They named it Edgar – that is, they named it after me. They had a lot of fun running after it and yelling, “Here, Edgar! Nice Edgar!” Then they’d laugh like hell. They enjoyed the ambiguity. I enjoyed it myself. I don’t mind being kidded. They made a little house for it in the supply closet and all that. I don’t know what it died of. Distemper, I guess. It probably hadn’t had any shots. I got it out of there before the kids got to school. I checked the supply closet each morning, routinely, because I knew what was going to happen. I gave it to the custodian.
And then there was this Korean orphan that the class adopted through the Help the Children program, all the kids brought in a quarter a month, that was the idea. It was an unfortunate thing, the kid’s name was Kim and maybe we adopted him too late or something. The cause of death was not stated in the letter we got, they suggested we adopt another child instead and sent us some interesting case histories, but we didn’t have the heart. The class took it pretty hard, they began (I think, nobody ever said anything to me directly) to feel that maybe there was something wrong with the school. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the school, particularly, I’ve seen better and I’ve seen worse. It was just a run of bad luck. We had an extraordinary number of parents passing away, for instance. There were I think two heart attacks and two suicides, one drowning, and four killed together in a car accident. One stroke. And we had the usual heavy mortality rate among the grandparents, or maybe it was heavier this year, it seemed so. And finally the tragedy.
The tragedy occurred when Matthew Wein and Tony Mavrogordo were playing over where they’re excavating for the new federal office building. There were all these big wooden beams stacked, you know, at the edge of the excavation. There’s a court case coming out of that, the parents are claiming that the beams were poorly stacked. I don’t know what’s true and what’s not. It’s been a strange year.
I forgot to mention Billy Brandt’s father who was knifed fatally when he grappled with a masked intruder in his home.
One day, we had a discussion in class. They asked me, where did they go? The trees, the salamander, the tropical fish, Edgar, the poppas and mommas, Matthew and Tony, where did they go? And I said, I don’t know, I don’t know. And they said, who knows? and I said, nobody knows. And they said, is death that which gives meaning to life? And I said no, life is that which gives meaning to life. Then they said, but isn’t death, considered as a fundamental datum, the means by which the taken-for-granted mundanity of the everyday may be transcended in the direction of –
I said, yes, maybe.
They said, we don’t like it.
I said, that’s sound.
They said, it’s a bloody shame!
I said, it is.
They said, will you make love now with Helen (our teaching assistant) so that we can see how it is done? We know you like Helen.
I do like Helen but I said that I would not.
We’ve heard so much about it, they said, but we’ve never seen it.
I said I would be fired and that it was never, or almost never, done as a demonstration. Helen looked out the window.
They said, please, please make love with Helen, we require an assertion of value, we are frightened.
I said that they shouldn’t be frightened (although I am often frightened) and that there was value everywhere. Helen came and embraced me. I kissed her a few times on the brow. We held each other. The children were excited. Then there was a knock on the door, I opened the door, and the new gerbil walked in. The children cheered wildly.

12:05 am

03:33 am - been a long time

School started. Werk. Bad decisions. Good decisions. Exciting opportunities. Fun times. Sleepy times. More werk. Internet.

The Peyote Dance.
Artaud, Antonin. (1976).
New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Contents: Nine chapters, appendix, A Letters Concerning the Tarahumara, Tutuguri: The Rite of Black Night.
Note: Translated from Les Tarahumaras, Tome IX, Oeuvres Complete d'Antonin Artaud, published by Editions Gallimard, translated by Helen Weaver.
Excerpt(s): Artaud's experience with the Tarahumara Indians in 1936 was a psychic ordeal and a spiritual revelation. The images he brought back-the signs and dance, the ritual slaughter of the bull and the drinking of its blood, the echoes of Atlantis-were to haunt him for the rest of his life. This mosaic work, written over a period of twelve years and spanning Artaud's stay at the Hopital Psychiatrique in Rodez, documents Artaud's struggle to integrate an overwhelming mystical experience into his own religious and mental being.

08:55 am - if you are really smart, you'll know what to do

Dear elgay,

Say it with me now: "I am a foolish girl."

Doesn't that feel better? Well, glad to hear it. Been making and breaking too many promises? Fuck promises, honey! Just do. That's the new philosophy. And, hey, it's almost always a-okay. Okay?

love,

liz

04:14 am - it's just a phase i'm going through

Dear elgay,

Every once in a blue moon, some media event comes along that simply can't be over-hyped. Case in point:


I'm not sure what to tell you, internet. The world's most unusual. Still. Yesterday and today I held auditions for Savage In Limbo (by everyone's favorite John Patrick Shanley). Decisions are tough, but set design sketches are exciting. It's going up Sept. 8th, 9th, and 10th and it's free...

There's a new Bill Pullman play at the Theatre Project that I wouldn't mind dragging my ass to. You should drag your ass to this production of Chekhov's The Seagull in the abandoned shell of Crabby Dick's. It's pretty fucking rad. I painted things on the front of the building and I, along with the rest of the cast, pronounce Chekhov's words with much verve, joy, and spunk. Also, the director is a total rock star. The review's out on Wednesday, but I enjoy the very snarky preview blurb we got in the City Paper.

I liked this movie:


And so on.

05:16 am - IDEA FOR A SHORT STORY

Things don't go quite right. You get the intense sensation that something immeasurably important has somehow been knocked off of its proper axis. But you try not to worry so much.

On to Leonard Nimoy:

12:54 am

I WAS JUST ROBBED AT GUNPOINT BEHIND MY HOUSE! <3Z BALTIMORE!!!

(p.s. I'm a-okay. Just annoyed, sad, freaked out, etc...)

05:37 am - but

Still only kinda a bitch. Only kinda.

12:13 pm - you know

Sometimes I get dumb. !!!!! YEAH WHOO ALRIGHT !!!!!!

I also really like it when unlikely foreign bands get pretty famous in other foreign and other other foreign nations, if that makes any sense.

p.s. finally watched For Fans Only last night and was very consistently delighted by it. However, Storytelling still sucks.

04:47 am - WTF?!?!?!?!?

Wait. No, wait. What?

05:51 pm - why am i so awkward?

01:32 pm - ha

Yesterday was my birthday. This morning I awoke hungover with explosives in my purse. Hooray!

06:21 pm - that's a lot of twilight zone episodes

a pointless and not-all-that-exhaustive list of things:

7-4 TUESDAY JULY 4th CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!!!! COUGHS BLOOD BABY BRET GAND IS DEAD VIDEOHIPPOS with DJ SANTA CLAUS @ wham city
7-6 Wzt Hearts @ the talking head
7-6 Outdoor Screening TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962) @ AVAM
7-8 Outdoor Screening of Paul Simon: The African Concert @ Belvedere Square near the Senator
7-9 Animal Hospital @ the talking head
7-10 MAH BERFDAY
7-11 "WONDERSHOEZEN" Season 1. FREE! 2-4-1 drinks all night! 9pm doors @ the ottobar
7-13 LATE: "AIR RAIDS ON THURSDAYS!" w/ Shakes Davies, Angie, & Mod Dave When the siren's a-flashin' & a-wailin'...FREE KAMIKAZE SHOTS! Plus late night happy hour 11pm-close, $1.50 Natty Boh's, $2 rail drinks, $3 pints. 9pm. Ages 21+ @ the ottobar
7-15 Vetiver @ the talking head
7-20 Genghis Tron (I DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE BUT DAMN THAT IS A VERY FINE NAME!) @ the talking head
7-21 + 22 12pm Wham City: 316 E Oliver Baltimore, MD at WHARTSCAPE FESTIVAL All Day Tons of Bands Killer Best $5, All Ages/No Jerks<--FRIDAY JULY 21
& SATURDAY JULY 22 WHARTSCAPE: bands: Japanther (bklyn), Matt and Kim (bklyn), Lucky Dragons (Providence), Narwhalz (RVA), Aa (bklyn), Cex, Dan Deacon, Ecstatic Sunshine, Videohippos, Prog Dogs, Blood Baby, Lizz King, Sand Cats, New Age HillBilly, Human Host, Mr. Moccasin, Double Dagger, WZT Hearts, Black Graduation Party, Santa Dads, Butt Stomach+FASHION SHOW with DINA KELBERMAN,APRIL CAMLIN, others +NEW FILMS by Jimmy Roche
7-24 Peaches @ the recher
7-25 The Danielson Familyre @ the ottobar
7-27 Outdoor Screening WEST SIDE STORY (1961) @ AVAM
8-1 Videohippos @ 3130 South Campus Dining Hall at College Park
8-4 Evergreen House & CA present OUTDOOR SCREENING! Running Fence (Maysles, 1978) w/ short film Powers of Ten (Eames & Eames, 1977), Fri Aug 4. Grounds open 7pm, Evergreen House first floor open 7-8:30pm, Show 9pm. $8, $5 kids under 12, infants free. Evergreen House, 4545 N. Charles St. Info: 410-516-0341
8-5 Baltimore American Indian Center (BAIC) presents Warrior in Two Worlds - Screening and Festival $8, $5 mbrs & Native Americans. @ the Patterson Creative Alliance
8-12 Mr. Boh’s Brewery OUTDOOR SCREENING! Presented by Struever Bros. Eccles & Rouse, Inc. & Obrecht Commercial Real Estate, Inc. Sat Aug 12. Rain date Sun Aug 13. Enter from Dillon St at S. Conkling. 9pm. FREE!
8-12 Outdoor Screening of Neil Young: Heart of Gold @ Belvedere Square near the Senator
8-19 Jive Social Club presents HOLY CRAP! 7:30pm doors. 8pm Revival. 10pm Revelation Dance Party. $10, $8 mbrs. An exalted tent REVIVAL by the energetic Jive Social Club, world renowned for 2005’s Pity Party and Grifter’s Ball! This time, JSC invites you to TESTIFY to your own personally held beliefs! Add whatever you believe in - artworks, troll dolls, or crystals – to The Collective Altar! BEHOLD! The Kama Sutra performed by Trixie Little and The Evil Hate Monkey! REVEL! in DJ Jason Willet’s enchanting siren songs! RAISE CAIN! with Citizen Rahne and Joe Meduza! BLESS John Berndt as he talks you out of what you believe! Take the leap of faith! @ the patterson
8-20 The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, Corn Mo and guests TBA Doors at 8pm/ Show at 9pm- ALL AGES @ the ottobar
9-17 The Gossip @ the ottobar